There is reason for concern if you or a loved one:
- Spend too much time and/or money on Internet sex sites?
- Is secretative and evasive?
- Frequently visit online sex chat rooms?
- Have difficulty getting in the “mood” without the use of pornography?
- Have a history of frequent affairs?
- Spend money on prostitutes or “escort services?”
- Make promises to stop sexual behavior only to break those promises?
-Keep secrets about sexual behavior or hide sexual behavior?
- Experience negative consequences at work, school, home, or in social life due to sexual behavior?
- Become preoccupied with sexual behavior or preparing for sexual activities?
- Have difficulty resisting sexual impulses in order to engage in specific sexual behaviors?
- Frequently engage in Internet behaviors to a greater extent or over a longer period of time than intended?
- Try unsuccessfully to stop, reduce, or control those behaviors?
- Spend too much time obtaining sex, being sexual, or recovering from sexual experiences?
- Continue sexual behavior despite knowing that it is contributing to social, financial, psychological, or physical problems?
- Increase the intensity, frequency, number, or risk level of behaviors in order to achieve the same effect?
- Give up or limit social, occupational, or recreational activities because of sexual behavior?
- Experience distress, anxiety, restlessness, or irritability if unable to engage in sexual behavior?
SEX ADDICTION: I specialize in Sexual Addiction, helping clients stop the cycle of acting-out and shame and develop a sense of integrity and stability. I provide a comprehensive evaluation followed by the psychological services needed to achieve optimal health and functioning. The essence of sexual addiction is the experience of powerlessness over compulsive sexual behavior, resulting in his or her life becoming unmanageable. It is characterized by compulsive behavior that completely dominates the addict's life. Sexual addicts make sex a priority over family, friends, and work. Sex becomes the governing principle of an addict's life. They are willing to sacrifice what they cherish most in order to preserve and continue their unhealthy behavior. The addict is out of control and experiences tremendous shame, pain and self-loathing. The unmanageability of addicts' lives can be seen in the consequences they suffer; low self-esteem, isolation, loss of interest in things not sexual, financial troubles, diseases, loss of relationships, and despair.
Some addicts will go for extended periods of time without any sexual involvement at all. This is called Sexual Anorexia. It is often mistaken for recovery but it is not healthy sexuality. Many times, a person will engage in another addictions to take the place off their sexual acting out. This can look like disordered eating, shopping, sleeping, excessive computer use or TV watching, excessive exercising, unmanaged depression, gambling, alcohol or drugs, etc.
Recovery is possible but it should not be attempted alone. The best chance of recovery involves a combination of therapy with someone experienced with Sexual Addiction (as well as depression and anxiety), group therapy, couples counseling, and a 12-step program. Even just finding a qualified therapist will significantly increase your chances at recovery and healthy sexuality. You will need a lot of support so attempting to heal on your own is usually impossible. Find someone you feel you can trust and begin your process. Recovery is possible, you’re already half way there.
PARTNERS & SPOUSES: Anyone who has been in a relationship with a Sex Addict is referred to as the Partner. The Partner needs treatment just as much as the addict and usually needs support even more. It is important to get support and understanding about your experiences and subsequent feelings to try and avoid future trauma. A partner will often feel like a “crazy person”. They usually begin to have some idea that their partner is acting-out sexually and will confront their partner about it. The addict, due to narcissistic tendencies and denial, will say anything they can to make the partner feel wrong and as if they are crazy for thinking anything is going on. And so begins a pattern of “insanity”. Recovery for a partner begins by dealing with the grief and loss of the life they thought they knew, loss of their sexuality, and loss of trust. It is extremely helpful if their partner admits to the problem and gets treatment and support from a professional.
Recovery for a partner is not an overnight cure. It will take a long time for her/him to learn how to feel safe in a relationship, how to trust, and how to find her/his healthy sexuality again. Although an addict can begin recovery, stop their behaviors, and begin building sobriety in a matter of months, a partner often needs a significantly longer amount of time to heal. Couples therapy is highly effective for this process if the couple remains together.
- Spend too much time and/or money on Internet sex sites?
- Is secretative and evasive?
- Frequently visit online sex chat rooms?
- Have difficulty getting in the “mood” without the use of pornography?
- Have a history of frequent affairs?
- Spend money on prostitutes or “escort services?”
- Make promises to stop sexual behavior only to break those promises?
-Keep secrets about sexual behavior or hide sexual behavior?
- Experience negative consequences at work, school, home, or in social life due to sexual behavior?
- Become preoccupied with sexual behavior or preparing for sexual activities?
- Have difficulty resisting sexual impulses in order to engage in specific sexual behaviors?
- Frequently engage in Internet behaviors to a greater extent or over a longer period of time than intended?
- Try unsuccessfully to stop, reduce, or control those behaviors?
- Spend too much time obtaining sex, being sexual, or recovering from sexual experiences?
- Continue sexual behavior despite knowing that it is contributing to social, financial, psychological, or physical problems?
- Increase the intensity, frequency, number, or risk level of behaviors in order to achieve the same effect?
- Give up or limit social, occupational, or recreational activities because of sexual behavior?
- Experience distress, anxiety, restlessness, or irritability if unable to engage in sexual behavior?
SEX ADDICTION: I specialize in Sexual Addiction, helping clients stop the cycle of acting-out and shame and develop a sense of integrity and stability. I provide a comprehensive evaluation followed by the psychological services needed to achieve optimal health and functioning. The essence of sexual addiction is the experience of powerlessness over compulsive sexual behavior, resulting in his or her life becoming unmanageable. It is characterized by compulsive behavior that completely dominates the addict's life. Sexual addicts make sex a priority over family, friends, and work. Sex becomes the governing principle of an addict's life. They are willing to sacrifice what they cherish most in order to preserve and continue their unhealthy behavior. The addict is out of control and experiences tremendous shame, pain and self-loathing. The unmanageability of addicts' lives can be seen in the consequences they suffer; low self-esteem, isolation, loss of interest in things not sexual, financial troubles, diseases, loss of relationships, and despair.
Some addicts will go for extended periods of time without any sexual involvement at all. This is called Sexual Anorexia. It is often mistaken for recovery but it is not healthy sexuality. Many times, a person will engage in another addictions to take the place off their sexual acting out. This can look like disordered eating, shopping, sleeping, excessive computer use or TV watching, excessive exercising, unmanaged depression, gambling, alcohol or drugs, etc.
Recovery is possible but it should not be attempted alone. The best chance of recovery involves a combination of therapy with someone experienced with Sexual Addiction (as well as depression and anxiety), group therapy, couples counseling, and a 12-step program. Even just finding a qualified therapist will significantly increase your chances at recovery and healthy sexuality. You will need a lot of support so attempting to heal on your own is usually impossible. Find someone you feel you can trust and begin your process. Recovery is possible, you’re already half way there.
PARTNERS & SPOUSES: Anyone who has been in a relationship with a Sex Addict is referred to as the Partner. The Partner needs treatment just as much as the addict and usually needs support even more. It is important to get support and understanding about your experiences and subsequent feelings to try and avoid future trauma. A partner will often feel like a “crazy person”. They usually begin to have some idea that their partner is acting-out sexually and will confront their partner about it. The addict, due to narcissistic tendencies and denial, will say anything they can to make the partner feel wrong and as if they are crazy for thinking anything is going on. And so begins a pattern of “insanity”. Recovery for a partner begins by dealing with the grief and loss of the life they thought they knew, loss of their sexuality, and loss of trust. It is extremely helpful if their partner admits to the problem and gets treatment and support from a professional.
Recovery for a partner is not an overnight cure. It will take a long time for her/him to learn how to feel safe in a relationship, how to trust, and how to find her/his healthy sexuality again. Although an addict can begin recovery, stop their behaviors, and begin building sobriety in a matter of months, a partner often needs a significantly longer amount of time to heal. Couples therapy is highly effective for this process if the couple remains together.
